Fights and arguments are a must in a relationship. You can’t avoid them, it’s not the most enjoyable couple activity, but they provide great results ending up with a more open, loving and understanding relationship in the end.
Here are some tips from my couple friends, who fought their way to a more solid and loving relationships, proven to work!
It’s not a match, it is not about winning or losing: when you fight to win, you loose in the end. This is about understanding what is important to each other, how each other feels and getting rid or any misunderstanding. Keywords here are understanding and each other.
Lay some rules on fighting: some couples actually write to each other the protocols to abide by when they are having a fight. Information includes, how they usually behave when they are in a bad mood (some are silent, some are loud), and the best ways to communicate with them. Some even detail the type of phrases to avoid during those hot tempered times.
However, this must be done when you are not fighting so that when you are actually in the fight, you will remember these rules.
Good for couples who just got together, because this is helpful when you don’t know each other that well.
Pretend he/she is someone else when you are fighting: This requires some calm cool heads to operate, but its useful in a sense that if you manage to visualize your partner as some Giant Goldfish screaming, the things he/she says would not feel so personal and you can respond in a less harmful manner. Take a deep breath first, it will calm you down and you can do the visualization.
Good for couples who has dated for some time or understand the dynamics of the fights to bring their cool heads to the arguments.
Always conclude your fights: Some couples like to pretend nothing went on afterward, as long as they are peaceful again. However fights happen for a reason, and if you don’t take the chance to deal with it, it will for sure happen again, for the same reason, and it can become a cycle that breaks the relationship further apart.
It doesn’t have to be concluded on the day it happened, though I came across couples who simply can’t sleep if it doesn’t get dealt with, but we have to understand that some people just need time to let their fumes cool down.
Bring up the subject when both are fine to talk rationally again. However before the talk happens, it is a good thing to hint that on this date, you will talk about it.
This is a must for couples at any stage.
I hope these are helpful for you and that you will form a deeper, more meaningful and honest relationship when you get out of the fight, you both earned it!